JIM DANDY, SON

thebiscuiteternal:

sasukehoe:

Respectfully, Ireland is the best country on the planet

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My favorite from that thread:

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nowaclubpenguinblog:

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

people who i used to be friends with on here: hello, i’m still cool w/ being your friend :)

- brett

i have come back to my tumblr after years and i immediately laughed for nearly five minutes looking at my profile background

tyrhung:

Zelda was actually the name of the doctor; you’re thinking of Zelda’s monster

Never mess with a flight attendant.

how-to-get-revenge:

Not mine as I was only privileged to observe, not deliver.

I was on a Thursday afternoon flight from DC to New York. This flight is, perhaps not surprisingly, generally filled with bankers, lobbyists, and other suits who generally know the drill.

Once in a while though, you get a guy who decides that his personal business is more important than everyone else’s desire to get home. On this day, I had the unfortunate luck to be seated in the aisle seat next to one of these people - in this case, a stereotypical 50-60 year old banker/finance guy, slightly balding, dressed in a suit that fit him just a little too loosely. He was yelling over the phone at someone to “get him on this deal” loudly enough for the entire cabin of the A320 to hear. I shrugged, put in my headphones, and started blasting music to drown out the details of his deal, figuring that he’d probably hang up once we pushed off the gate.

Nope. The doors slammed shut, the plane pushed off the gate, and the flight attendant, an industry veteran with the look of someone who had been doing her job a little too long, finally finishes her safety demo. As she’s walking down the aisle during the seatbelt check she reminds him, with the broadest forced smile, “Sir, you’re not on the phone, are you? The captain will take us back to the gate and remove you.” He stammers an apology and promises to hang up. A minute later, the plane is in line to takeoff. The attendant walks back up and notices that he hasn’t hung up. The smile is gone. “Sir, I really will ask the captain to remove you off this plane,” she threatens, and she watches him as he reluctantly gets off the phone.

Seemingly satisfied, the attendant walks back up front. But a moment later, she comes back with all the safety demo equipment - the oxygen mask, the seat belt, and the safety manual. She stands right next to me and stares at phone guy. “Excuse me sir,” she said, “I do need to ensure that you heard the entirety of the safety demo.” The guy tries to stammer that he really did know the safety protocol, but the hostess silences him. “Sir, it is crucial that I make sure you understand protocol, as it presents a safety risk to you and others if you missed the demonstration.”

The surrounding passengers start snickering as phone guy reddens, and he’s forced to sit and pay attention through how to properly operate a seatbelt, where the exit doors are, and how to put on the oxygen mask.

“Please assist yourself before you attempt to assist others,” the hostess reminds him, grinning widely as she snaps the mask on.

The demonstration takes a couple of more minutes, at the end of which the guy is reduced to staring straight down at his phone, bright as a tomato. Upon landing, he immediately starts up his call again, but in a whisper instead, and hurries out of the plane without making eye contact with anyone.

Never mess with flight attendants.

maddigzlz:
“ listen
”

maddigzlz:

listen